As they say in Jamaica "Free paper burn"...meaning it is time to go back to work. My days of waking up at noon and going to bed at 2am are done. The vacation is officially OVER. Sadness.
I really wish I was excited to be going back, I want to say I missed the kids but I didn't. I know that it sounds horrible but truth be told, I needed the break. In order to go back and give 100% and to be able to have the level of emotional investment required to teach, I needed to get away.
Going back also means big changes. I'll be a classroom teacher. That is hard work and I don't know if I'm ready. I sort of had the job thrust upon me after the teacher stepped down from her position, since I was the co-teacher they figured naturally to make me the teacher.
Up until about 12am this morning, I was so scared and nervous. I am a first year teacher with no preparation or training taking over a difficult class of 23 kids. I didn't think I was ready to take on that challenge and responsibility.
I realized however from the sermon at church that I didn't have to do it on my own and that I didn't have to be afraid. I need to put everything in God's hands because he placed me in this job and he knows I am capable of handling it, plus he would be right by my side every step of the way. I surrendered my fear, self-doubt and apprehension to him and I feel a lot more confident that I can handle the kids and be successful.
So although, I had no time to prepare for my new role and I still wish I had another week of vacation, I'm not worried about going back.
I know that when I see the kids, I'll be happy. I'll probably even realize how much I missed them.