I've been thinking a lot about what I want in a potential mate and realized that maybe I am not so sure. I have a mental list of qualities that would be great for the person to possess, but mental lists tend to get out of control to the point of being unrealistic.
It's important to know what is important to you in a partner, too many times people either don't think enough about the qualities they want or they think too much. We end up compromising or disappointed in the relationships we develop.
I think people should have an actual list of the qualities that are important. I'm not talking about Chilli's infamously unrealistic wish list but a list that helps to keep you focused.
Patty Stanger of my favorite show, Millinaire Matchmaker suggests that people should have a list of 5 non-negotiables. The absolute 5 most important things that can be a deal breaker if the other person does not measure up. I think that 5 is pretty fair. You have to think about what is uber important and less superficial.
I've tried coming up with my list of 5 and it is hard. It isn't perfectly phrased but the main ideas are there, you get the gist.
1. Religion- I'm not just talking about going to church on holidays but someone who knows God and prays. Someone who understands the power of God in their life and realizes that God is in control and they can depend on him to direct their life.
2. Shared values- we don't need to agree on everything, however we need to be on the same page about the biggies;when it comes to things like family, finances, marriage etc. there needs to be a cohesiveness that will help ground the relationship.
3. Education- by this I mean at least a completed tertiary education. 'Nuff said. I know first hand the drama that arises when two people on a very uneven educational playground try to date each other, insecurity raises its ugly head. I'd rather not have to deal with that.
4. Resiliency- this is a huge deal for me. Life is tough, if you can't handle it and roll with the punches(pardon my cliche) then it won't work for me.
5. Willingness to grow- nothing is worse than being stagnant. Being open and willing to grow as a person and become is really important to me and I need someone who values this as well.
Ok, so notice that I didn't put that he needs to look like Tyrese even though I wanted to. Lol
At the end of the day, the looks aren't as important for me. I need to be attracted to him and that's good enough.
There are also some things that are just a given like treating me with respect and all that type of stuff.
I definitely encourage everyone to do the same. What are your 5?