Lessons From a Failed Relationship
I know the title of this post might be confusing to you seeing as though it appears that the last time I was in a relationship was when dinosaurs walked the earth.
Truth is, there is something I neglected to tell you.
I dated a guy a for a little while. A little being 2.5 months.
It ended almost 2 months ago and I am just getting around to mentioning this. Gulp.My bad.
Anyway it's over now and I am back to being a single lady.
My friend asked me the other day if I was dating anyone new.
I am not, and strangely I haven't been too worried about it either. I have realized that I just need to chill and be patient. When I rush into things too quickly, they never work out.
I am optimistic that the right guy will come around when the time is right.
Although it was not a successful relationship there are some lessons that I took away from it. The Guy wasn't a horrible boyfriend, he just wasn't the one for me.
It reinforced some of my beliefs as well as gave me a clearer picture about the things that are important to me in a relationship.
- Relationships aren't a cure for loneliness. New lesson. It is never wise to date someone just so you won't be lonely on a Saturday night. Not gonna lie, this was the major reason why I dated the Guy. I wanted someone to fill a void that I had in my life. I was tired of spending countless Saturday evenings alone and I just wanted to have someone around to do stuff with, unfortunately I sort of settled as a result. It was not fair to either of us.
- Don't Compromise. Well not on the things that are important to your life. I always said I would not compromise my religious beliefs for a relationship. My faith is very important to me and it is important for me to date someone who is of the same faith. With the Guy, I totally did this and I never really felt 100% comfortable. I knew I was going back on my promise to myself. Not a nice feeling. So I am recommitting to never allow myself to compromise who I am in any aspect of my life for a man.
- Being funny isn't enough. So one of the important things for me is to be with someone who has a good sense of humor. While this is still important to me, I realize there needs to be more to a person than just that. They need to also be able to have a serious conversation about life and the world. There needs to be more substance to their character. As nice as it would be to spend everyday laughing, there are times when you need to get serious and talk about stuff.
- Communication is important. Having clear lines of communication is critical. I knew this before but now it is even more important to me. There were things that were missing in the relationship, things that led to misunderstandings and created issues that could have been totally avoided had we communicated with each other. I didn't want to make things uncomfortable/weird so I let things slide or just didn't say how I was feeling and I knew he did the same. Even if it didn't save the relationship, I think had we been clearer in communicating, things would have ended on a much better note.
So while it was not a long term relationship, I know that the things I gained will have a lasting effect on my life and future relationships.
There is always a lesson, sometimes you might have to pick through the flotsam to find it.