December 31, 2015

Sayonara 2015!



It's the end of another year, well almost. Twenty sixteen is just around the corner and I say this every year but for real, the year flew by so quickly. 

As I'm apt to do, this is a time when I reflect on how the year went and what I accomplished. If I am to be be completely transparent, 2015 wasn't my favorite year. There were lots of challenges and I feel as though the second half of the year was just a complete wash. After my move back to America, life sort of just went into blah mode and it feels as though I accomplished nada. 
I began working as soon as I moved back which in many ways was an absolute blessing cause let's be honest, I needed a job bad. 
It's not my dream job and I often feel as sense of dread and disappointment when I think about going to work. 
A lot of the things I used to enjoy doing have been overtaken by constant lesson planning and just being exhausted all the time.  
Sometimes I feel so guilty and I tell myself I'm being lazy/selfish because I'm teaching in an urban community with at-risk kids and I need to be more selfless but I'm so exhausted by the pressure to give more of myself even when it feels like I have nothing left. 

I hardly cook anymore(you guys know I used to love being in my kitchen), I haven't been taking care of myself physically, spiritually or emotionally. I've been losing touch with my own reality and escaping more into other people's "reality" on social media. I don't blog regularly and my photography has suffered. To sum it up, I'm a hot mess. 

Clearly I need to fix things. There is no way that I can continue on this path.   
Let me just say however that coming home wasn't a bad decision. I am happy to be home with my mom and my friends. It's been great catching up, being present and rebuilding relationships that my absence had affected. 
I also had some really awesome moments in 2015 that have left an indelible impression on my life and always bring a smile to my face when I think about them. It wasn't all misery.  
My goal is to sit down and think about how to make 2016 a better year for me. My job isn't going to change, not right now at least. So how can I change the way I view it and how can I make time to do the things that bring me joy? These are the questions at the forefront of my mind as I approach the new year. 
I'm ready to begin this new chapter in my life and I want to do it with passion. 2016 will be my best year! 


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